“new year, new me.”

this year i was at my highest high.
and i found my lowest low.

as a hiker, i know that flow all too well.

the last six months have been what we call “recovery.”

it seems like a lifetime ago; this time last year, huh?
i was filled with hope and magic surrounded me.
invincibility seemed like normalcy and superman asked me for advice.

seasons changed and summer brought a winter i knew all too well.
my brain was my biggest enemy. i was surrounded by smoke and mirrors.
i started treatment. hard, painful, extensive, meticulous.
all words associated with growth.
i also found my freedom.
all my flowers grew back as thorns
i had to find myself and recreate the parts of me too shattered to come back.

i left no pieces behind. most of me is a mosaic of everything i’ve been through.
and aren’t we all like that?
the good, the bad, the remarkable;
every story we have is one we own.

every day there is a midnight.
tonight is the biggest midnight of the year.
the one where we feel the hope and dreams.
fear is nowhere to be found.
we all are superman on new year’s eve.
and maybe there is something true in the hype.
in the fireworks. in the magic.

six months ago i almost ended the possibility of midnight.
i would’ve never seen my nephew’s sweet smile.
and i would have never known i could love someone so much.
i would’ve missed out on rekindled friendships.
and life changing humans.
i never would’ve felt what it was like to take a billiard ball to the nose.
i almost missed reputation.
i never would’ve seen the talent in my sister’s photos.

with the help of many, i chose to stay.
at first i didn’t realize why.
and slowly i have realized that every story is important.
including my own. including yours.
against all odds, hope became real.

midnight puts magic in the air.
and with every breath we can dream something new.
as long as we are dreaming, we have something to hope for.

midnight makes it possible.
to forgive.
to hold on.
to let go.
to leave it behind.
to start again.
to fight.
to hope.

and i am here to say:
that what is true for me, is also true for you.
maybe tonight is the night you begin the story of your recovery.
change doesn’t just happen in a moment.
but it starts with a decision.
and that it something to celebrate.
that is a reason for the fireworks.

welcome to midnight.