loving opinions

everyone always has an opinion on who i’m loving at the time.

the ones who’ve hurt me.

the ones i’ve hurt.
the explosive ones.

the calm ones.

i think about the amount of times i’ve been warned.

the amount of times i’ve paid no heed to the signs.
and i am thankful.

because they deserved all the love i have to give.

it’s crazy, right?

in a world reminding us that boundaries are important and crucial.

that toxic relationships are harmful and to run fast from them.

but if we run, who will there be left to love?

i’ve been the toxic person.
and i’ve been the person loving the toxicity.

i deserved no less love than the ones who had warning signs like the cliffs i climb.
and the same goes for the others.

we are all tied for first place.
we each are worth the same.

our value does not increase or decrease based on our actions.

the person we call



the people we say

“i love you, but i don’t want my kids associated with you.”
“i love you, and hope you find a place, but not here.”

“i love you, and hope the best for you, but now isn’t the time to have you around.”

we so often talk a big game about inclusion,
and manage to find a way out of it every. time.
it gets difficult to love.

this week i was reminded of that.

i lost something infinitely valuable.

for the best.
for the betterment.

but during the process of letting go
i got angry.
i was hurt.
and sad.

i wanted to break something.
and the words that i could think were unkind.

in the same moment the words came,
i was reminded of the promise i made december 28th, 2018.

“if this is real, i choose this side.”
and the words sung by needtobreathe:

i need to fight on the losing side
and always hold you.

and so i calmed down.
i am fighting on the losing side,
and i’m holding true.

that the choice i made was right.

that years ago
when i remained loyal to a stranger against an entire church,

i was on the right side.

i haven’t always made this decision.

i’ve stumbled more often than i’ve succeeded.
i’ve tried to switch teams.
we tried to wage a war.

and everyone lost.

so i decided.

i will stay loyal to this.

i refuse to back down.

i lost something i loved,
but that doesn’t make it bad.

their worth is not determined by anything they do or don’t do.

and the God i choose to believe in finds them

just as cool as She does me.

when i preach that we need to be inclusive,
it means everybody.
all the time.

the thieves.
the priests.
the liars.
the monks.
the sinners.
the saints.
the cheats.
the holy.
the average.
the rare.
the enemies.
the friends.
the strangers.
the acquaintances.
the criminals.
the hidden.
the diseased.
the healthy.
the liberal.
the conservative.

no more excuses.
it’s time for our barriers to come down.

fight on the losing side, it’s okay.

we all win in the end.
because we all are worth the love and pain.

we all have value despite what we’ve done.

just like matter, it cannot be created or destroyed.
your worth is infinite.
you’ve hit your limit.
you do not have to earn it.

you do not have to earn it.

love no matter the circumstance.
especially the ones you want to be associated with least.